buy me Plan-B and love me too
If you’ve had sex and the condom has never broken you’re either lying or you’ve been blessed by Eros himself. Let’s all be honest with ourselves for a moment: things happen more often than not and suddenly our ‘O” face becomes our “uh-oh.” Don’t worry because it happens to everyone, really, everybody runs into the sexual troubles of breakage, pains and most importantly having to be responsible for themselves and someone else. “Oh my god mo, are you really talking about this right now?” Yes, yes I am because it has become one of the most frustrating things in my life when the people I know and care about aren’t taking care of themselves. One of my biggest problems is people not taking action and responsibility for the things that pertain to sex, particularly with brushing off responsibility. So buckle the fuck up buttercup, it’s time to sit down and shut up for another session of Sex With Mo (a new podcast I should start and not actual sex because I’m rather picky.)
Portrait by Davon Clark
Now bless the heart of my friends boyfriend who we will call Jimmy for this because I’m not here to expose the heroes behind the wheel driving to the nearest Walgreens to buy Plan-B after the condom broke. That’s not my job. But I do feel the need to expand further on this story because Jimmy has done something most sexually active people can’t bring themselves to do: he took the initiative on his and his partners sexual wellness. First off, they were using condoms, how safe! I cannot tell you how many people have told me they either skip out on sex completely or just say “fuck it” and go without because they are embarrassed to buy condoms. Of all the limp dick excuses this is the worst one I’ve heard over and over; blatantly ignoring the fact that you should always use a condom is in no way cool or smart. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against the au natural, raw experience but this tends to be better and safer with partners you trust and know and love. You shouldn’t just have unsafe sex with that person you met at the bar because they were wearing a leather jacket and that get’s you all hot and bothered. A lot of people unknowingly have an STI because symptoms can take up to a couple of days, weeks or even months to show themselves. Particularly Herpes Simplex Virus, HSV can live within a person's body undetected and unannounced for years but it can still be sexually transmitted between two people. On the opposing end, people can be fully aware of their STI status and it can be a really devastating blow, something they don’t know how to deal with or process. This can lead to uncommunicative partners who really like you and want you but are too embarrassed to disclose their status. They can pass on an STI to you and never see you again or tell you after you’ve already had sex. Dragging this further: if they don’t disclose their status to you and you catch an STI and don’t know, you can pass it on to someone else.
Now I’m not saying condoms are the ethereal wall to STI prevention but they help and they do a pretty good job and have done so. You know what else those little penis hats are good for? Preventing pregnancy! Holy wow, who woulda thunk it? Yes, oh my gods in all of the realms if you can’t understand that a condom catches sperm and keeps those little swimmers very far from the eggs then come over and I’ll drive you back to health class. It’s really not that hard people.
“Ok but the pill.” Did you know that you can still get pregnant while on the pill?”
Most of us are not ready for a baby and won’t be for a long time so it’s really important to take precautions and take the initiative on your sexual reproductive health. “But mo, my partner pulls out and we can just get Plan-B the next day so it’s fine.” Not to say that your partners pull out game isn’t strong because it isn’t but the pull-out method is not a game y’all should be playing. The pull out method is really only about seventy eight percent effective and if you’re doing the math, that’s about twenty two people getting pregnant out of one hundred. Plus this method does not, in any way protect you from STIs. And do not depend on Plan-B as your form of birth control! For starters, Plan-B can seriously mess up your periods and cause them to become unpredictable and irregular. And it doesn’t prevent pregnancy since it’s only job is to force sperm out so it really isn’t the way to go.
“Ok but the pill.” Did you know that you can still get pregnant while on the pill? Nine out of one hundred people get pregnant even on the pill every year, you go to school or work or walk around, start counting. This isn’t because the pill isn’t ninety-nine percent effective but people are just that, people. We forget or we’re late and it affects the way birth control works making it about only ninety-one percent effective. In terms of other birth control options, everything affects our bodies and we react differently to these things. Some options don’t work or don’t suit our bodies, some people have health issues that prevent them from using certain types of birth control. What you should really do is take your hip-happy ass to the gyno and ask some questions and get yourself situated. Um, if you have a penis, you can go to. Educate yourself on the well being of your vagina partner and be there for them in every way possible.
“mo, what happened to Jimmy and the condom?” Well Jimmy is sexually active and very healthy from what my inside source has confided to me. No babies and none wanted from him or his partner. You see the both of them have excellent communication skills and were on the same page about kids when the condom they were using took its last breath and snapped. What impressed me was Jimmy’s immediate reaction to make sure of the safety of his partner and himself. He got right up, put on some pants and drove down to the store and purchased Plan-B so his partner wouldn’t get pregnant. Now I don’t know what luck my friend has, but Jimmy went ahead and was like “You stay here, relax and I’ll go get it.” And not only did he get it, he paid for it. I wish people would buy my Plan-B, I mean damn, I would also take dinner fyi. Now don’t think I believe all men should go ahead and pop out fifty to sixty dollars for that little ass pill but I thought it was a nice consideration on Jimmy’s part mostly because I don’t know if you’ve ever paid for birth control but it’s expensive. And a lot of people don’t have access to health insurance which sucks. Personally I’ve gone without birth control because I simply can’t afford forty-five dollars for those little ass sugar pills with hormones every month. It’s a pain in my ass, a pain on my wallet and a pain on my sex life to go without the pill regularly.
Back to our friend Jimmy, after his partner took the pill they talked and also worked on their mental and emotional wellness. It’s a big deal and it’s scary when things like this happen. Not just the possibility of a pregnancy scare but with so many other things as well. Penis condoms are not the only ones that break, female condoms can tear too. You could be going down on someone or using it alternately to a male condom and there can be a risk to STIs which again, isn’t fun for anyone.
“My point is that I wish for people, especially those around me to become more self aware and educated on their sexual health and grow their communication skills with their partners and potential partners to create fun, happy, kinky and safe sexual experiences that’s good for everyone.”
“mo wrap this shit up.” No you wrap it up, ha ha get it, because I’m talking about condoms? No? Ok. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you need to think a little more about how you’re having sex and the risks of not keeping yourself and your partners safe. Sex is a two way street, a give and take just like everything else in life. Try to educate yourself on who you’re sleeping with, how you’re sleeping with them and sex in general. Ask questions and be up to date with yourself. Something people don’t do very often is walk into the doctor's office and get checked for STIs or check-in on their overall body health. You should go get tested once every year, even if you’re only sleeping with one person. If you’re dating around and seeing a few people then you should get tested before sleeping with a new person but we’re all human and we’re spurratic and sex happens, so go ten days after having sex with a new partner. This is because it takes at least ten days before an STI presents itself in your body. And fun fact, you do not get tested for HSV when you go in because it can live in your body undetected for a long time so if you aren’t showing symptoms of HSV the CDC does not recommend getting tested for it. A big part of this is that one, people have shown no difference in sexual behavior after receiving a positive herpes diagnosis and two, there is a chance you could get a false positive test back and that’s just fucked.
“ok what the fuck, i’m keeping my genitals to myself.” No, don’t! Get freaky deaky and do the dirty with whomever you please. What you should do is go out and learn about your body and other bodies before jumping into sexual relationships with people. My point is that I wish for people, especially those around me to become more self aware and educated on their sexual health and grow their communication skills with their partners and potential partners to create fun, happy, kinky and safe sexual experiences that’s good for everyone. That’s all, nothing major.
Now if you didn’t figure it out from that last bit this was never about Jimmy, or my friend or even me. This is about you being educated and taking responsibility for your sex life. It can be a tough process and can be challenging to take ownership of your body which I understand but you know what? It’s pretty easy to ask questions. And there are people who want to answer them for you like doctors, sex experts and *cough cough* even me. I don’t know everything but I know what I know and if I don’t, then I’ll find someone who does. I’m all about getting you that good, good info. I really don’t know how many times I can say I want you to be sexually educated and well but I’ll just keep doing it. I want you to be sexually educated and well! So my fine friends, go the fuck out into the world and buy those condoms, ask those questions and get freak-ay.
Hello! All of the facts in this piece were sourced from the Planned Parenthood and CDC website which have free and public information about sexual wellness, STIs and all other sorts of other amazing information. Please refer to these websites and sources should you have any questions or wish to expand your knowledge.
If you are in need of STI testing, pregnancy tests, condoms or birth control then I encourage you to check out Planned Parenthood and ask if they have any financial resources or scholarships available. You can also try the Nurx app which gives you access to health providers who can prescribe your birth control as well as PrEP, Emergency Contraception, at home HPV and STI testing as well as Herpes Treatments. You can use your insurance or ask about financial help with one of their service providers.
I’m not being sponsored by any of the places I’ve mentioned above but if you’re reading this Nurx, sponsor me.
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Davon Clark is a Philadelphia-raised artist that is currently based in Chicago. He uses investigative journalism practices in his camerawork and poetry. He likes flowers and the little things in life. Davon’s work can be found on his website daydavon.com and on Instagram @daydavon.